


Buffy and the Elf Knight

by steeleye



Series: It's Grim Up North. [27]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Humour, Non-Song Song-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 05:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19370320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steeleye/pseuds/steeleye
Summary: A 'Grim Up North' story; Unlucky in love (as always) Buffy has to deal with an amorous, yet homicidal Elf Knight...now that's what I call grim!





	Buffy and the Elf Knight

Buffy and the Elf Knight.

By Steeleye.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the traditional song, 'The Elf Knight', I write these stories for fun not profit.

 **Crossover:** A non-song, song fic.

 **Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:** Written in glorious UK-English (the original and best) which is different to US-English.

 **Timeline:** Fifth story in the Grim Three series of stories.

 **Words:** 4000+ words.

 **Warnings:** Move on down the bus, no standing on the upper deck plenty of room downstairs!

 **Summary:** A 'Grim Up North' story; Unlucky in love (as always) Buffy has to deal with an amorous, yet homicidal Elf Knight...now that's what I call grim!

0=0=0=0

Highlight and right click to follow the link to the song on which this story is based...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8ZOILezRuM

0=0=0=0

In a reality that co-exists with out own, an Elf knight sat upon his horse on top of a hill as the rain beat down in large, cold, drops. His horse's hair was slick against its hide as steam rose from its flanks. The Elf Knight's horse was not one of those horses so beloved of the writers of fantasy novels; they would describe the Elf's horse as noble, blindingly white, beautiful even, the reality was entirely different. This horse was as black as night, the sort of black that really took pride in its work and seemed to absorb any light that fell upon it. The horse was big, bigger than any horse really had a right to be and its lungs drew its fetid breath over teeth that had never been designed to crop grass. These teeth had been designed to tear and rend flesh, in proof of which the hair around the horse's mouth was matted with the blood of its most recent victim.

Atop the horse sat its rider, resplendent in his burnished bronze armour. Why bronze you ask? The answer was simple, Elves cannot abide the touch of true iron. The day that mankind turned from the bronze-age to the iron-age was the day that marked the start of the downfall of the Elvish race. It wasn't that the Elves were evil, in fact the Elves are neither good nor evil, they were amoral, they simply don't care if you lived or died. They had little empathy for those of their own kind so why should they care about what happened to a human? No, like his horse the Elf knight bore little resemblance to the Elves of popular fiction, only one writer had seen the true character of Elves, but he'd died...a coincidence perhaps...or perhaps not? Either way Elves are not the peaceful lovers of light as depicted in so many fantasy tales. They are cruel and vicious (without even realising they were being cruel and vicious), but...they at least had 'style', so much style in fact that they could blind mere mortals to their true nature.

Raising his hunting horn to his lips the knight blew his horn both loud and shrill. Today the Elf knight was going hunting. He didn't care what he hunted as long as the hunt ended in the death of its prey in some unimaginably horrifying and most importantly bloody and excruciatingly painful way. The hill had an ancient stone circle on its rounded summit. The circle marked a place where the barriers between realities was already stretched to its limit. The elf knight's horn, possessed of its own magic, stretched the fabric of reality to its very boundaries and allowed the elf knight to move from his own reality to a reality which could very well be mistaken for our own.

0=0=0=0

**Slayer Central, Saltburn-by-the-Sea, Cleveland, England.**

Lightning flashed, thunder boomed and rain hit the glass of Buffy's office window like handfuls of gravel being thrown by small boys out for mischief. Which was odd because it was late June and the weather, even in Northern England, should be a lot warmer and drier than it was this evening. However, Buffy ignored these natural special effects, her mind was on other things. It was six o'clock in the evening and the working day at Slayer Central had finished an hour ago. At this very moment the trainees were enjoying their tea in the canteen as they discussed what they'd learnt today, or, more likely, boys (or girls) and their chances of 'picking up' the partner of their choice when they went out that evening.

While all these teenager's, amorous plans were being talked over, Buffy was still in her office staring at her computer screen and quietly singing along with the music video she was watching; she sang quietly because if she sang loudly the neighbours would complain (even if the nearest neighbour was a couple of miles away). The senior slayer was supposed to be reading yet another report from one of the 'Slayer Houses' or schools around the world, but she'd read so many reports today that she thought she was going cross-eyed. These days she often wondered how she'd turned from being the scourge of the forces of darkness and into a bureaucrat. Now the building was quiet, even her PA had gone home and the 'Duty Slayer' hadn't come on duty yet, Buffy had decided to have some time to herself. Idly scrolling through videos, Buffy had clicked on one that appeared to be about knights, at least the pictures that accompanied the song were of knights and their ladies and dragons and ogres...

_“...When a knight won his spurs in the stories of old,  
He was gentle and brave he was gallant and bold...”_

0=0=0=0

Highlight and right click to follow the link...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiAVu-gY6mM

0=0=0=0

Sighing softly to herself, Buffy wished that she too had a gentle knight, who would kneel at her feet and bring her the heads of dragons or giants or even ogres; but not too many because severed heads can be really difficult to dispose of and people, or to be more precise, Giles, might start to ask questions about were all the heads of mythical beasts where coming from. However, it was a nice dream, Buffy told herself, she really did want someone (anyone) to love her in more than a sisterly or fatherly way. A girl/young woman (especially one that might get herself killed almost any day) needed someone to love and yes, have sex with; hot, steamy, no holds or even holes barred (that last should not be taken too literally she told herself) wild, screaming, monkey sex, morning, noon and night. In fact Buffy was beginning to find it difficult to remember when the last time she'd had sex was. What made it worse was that everyone she knew was getting more sex than she was, even Giles!

It was then, as Buffy was feeling particularly sorry for herself, that she made what was to be an almost a fatal mistake, she uttered the 'W' word. Although she only whispered it softly, almost too quietly for anyone to hear. But, the universe in the shape of The Fates, have very good hearing and are capricious enough to grant any wish no matter how innocently it'd been uttered or how terrible the consequences might be.

“I wish...” Buffy sighed as she watched the images pass in front of her eyes, “...I wish I had a handsome knight to love me...” 

Her wish was answered by an extra loud clap of thunder and a brilliantly white flash of lightening.

0=0=0=0

The summit of Warsett Hill.

The Elf Knight's charger pawed the ground with hooves the size of dinner plates (very big dinner plates) as its rider took in his surroundings; he'd been here before, but he didn't remember it being quite this damp. To the east lay the sea, 'white horses' glinted in the light of the flashes of lightning that split the air as they rolled towards the shore. To the south the lights of the small town of Brotton twinkled through the rain as people settled down to wait out the storm or watched TV as they ate their evening meal. Behind him the mass of the North Yorkshire Moors rose from the Vale of Pickering like it had been dropped by some enormous hand from out of the sky. While to the north east the elf knight saw the lights of Saltburn-by-the-Sea shining through the rain and the gathering gloom. But, even closer at hand were the wooden huts and more substantial brick and concrete buildings of, Slayer Central. 

He smiled lasciviously as he sensed the human females that inhabited that place. One he sensed more strongly than the others, her yearning reached out to him, called to him with like a Siren song that could not be denied. Homing in on these thoughts of lust and desire, the elf knight urged his horse onwards. Slowly the horse picked its way down through the woods that surrounded Warsett Hill and towards the lights of Slayer Central.

“Tally ho!” laughed the elf knight as he raised his horn to his lips and blew a note both pure as silver and sweet as death.

0=0=0=0

**Buffy's Office.**

“What the feck?” Buffy looked up from her computer screen as she heard the strange horn sound off in the far distance.

Getting up she walked over to her window and looked out. Unfortunately even slayer eyes could not penetrate the rain and the gathering gloom. Hearing the strange horn sound once more, she felt a shiver go through her body, it was a rather nice shiver that made her gasp. Taking a deep breath she gasped again as a warm fuzzy feeling spread through her body and she ran her hands over her breasts and down to rest between her legs.

“Feck!” Buffy cried as she realised what she was doing and stopped herself, “I really need to get a boy or girlfriend,” she told herself as she turned to go back to her desk.

Sitting down, Buffy starred blankly at her computer screen for a couple of moments before she realised she wasn't going to get anything more done tonight and she might as well go home to her chalet. After switching off her computer, she got up and went over to the coat stand in the corner of her office and put on the rain coat that always hung there and picked up the large umbrella which had been waiting for her. Even in summer, Buffy always kept a raincoat and umbrella handy, she also never took off her thermal vest before August, California girls and Northern English weather just didn't mix.

Switching off the light, Buffy left her office and after closing and locking the door behind her, she headed on down the corridor and towards the reception area. As she walked she considered going out on patrol with some of the trainee slayers. Hearing an extra loud gust of wind and the rattling of hail on the roof, she decided that the trainees could look after themselves tonight. Being the most senior slayer in the world, Buffy didn't see it as her job to get cold and soaking wet just to hold the hands of junior slayers. When she'd been their age, she told herself, she'd not had anyone to hold _her_ hand.

Stepping out into the night, Buffy realised that it wasn't that cold, cursing softly to herself as she struggled to put up her umbrella she stepped from under the porch outside the Slayer HQ building and into the storm. The hail beat a lively tattoo on her umbrella and the wind plucked at her coat and tried to snatch the umbrella from her grasp. Fortunately slayer strength proved more than equal to the wind and after angling the umbrella so the wind couldn't get under it and turn it inside-out, she marched determinedly across the car-park her feet crunching across the wet gravel.

It was only after she'd gone a few yards and she was only half way across the car-park when she heard something following her. Something with big feet that was breathing loudly and heavily was following her. Turning rapidly, she drew the concealed sword from her umbrella. Half expecting to see a couple of trainee slayer out to play a trick on 'Miss Summers', Buffy was surprised to find herself confronted by an extremely large, black horse and its heavily armoured rider. 

“Wow...” was all Buffy could say as she dropped her sword and gazed up at the incredibly handsome elf knight and his really stylish and highly polished armour.

Strange thoughts ran through Buffy's mind, like; how could she hope to fight and win against such a magnificent warrior and his horse, she'd been foolish to think that she could prevail against such creatures. Surly the best thing to do was surrender herself to him and let him do whatever he wanted with her. Gazing up at the elf knight with glazed over eyes, a wave of intense pleasure went through her body and she dropped to her knees, she was so enamoured of the elf knight that she didn't even notice the water soaking through her jeans.

“Well, well, well,” smiled the elf knight amorally, “what pretty prey have I caught this wet, stormy night?” the elf knight walked his horse over to where Buffy knelt, he held out his hand to her so he could pull her up to sit behind his saddle, “Take my hand,” he told her, “and I will grant all your desires...” he gave a low chuckle as he watched Buffy reach out her hand to him, “...as long as your desire is to serve me body and soul until I grow bored with you...”

“Oh yes, oh lord!” Buffy sighed as she took the elf knight's hand and cried out as a mixture of pain and pleasure coursed through her body making her spasm and jerk about like someone who was being electrocuted.

“Here,” the elf knight pulled Buffy to her feet and up to sit behind him on his horse, “we will ride to the greenwood where I can take my pleasure from your body...”

“In this weather?” Buffy asked, she wasn't that enthralled as not to still notice the wind, hail and rain.

“What!?” the elf knight turned to look at his latest victim sharply.

“Look,” Buffy began to explain, “do you really want to have your wicked way with me in this weather?”

“Well...” the elf knight replied hesitantly, “...its kinda traditional.”

“What is it with you people and tradition?” Buffy began with another sigh; if push came to shove, she'd do whatever the knight told her even if it meant doing 'it' in the rain.

“I'm not _people_ ,” replied the elf hotly as he imagined all the incredibly painful indignities he'd inflict on this outspoken human.

“Whatever,” Buffy dismissed the elf knights observation with a wave of her hand, “wouldn't it be much nicer to go to my chalet where its warm and more importantly dry?” Buffy said brightly, “I mean you can inflict all sorts of sexual torture on me all night and not get your armour rusty.”

“The armour's bronze so it doesn't get rusty,” the elf knight replied testily, however, what he had planned for this female would be more enjoyable if he didn't have cold water running down his neck, “Oh, alright then,” he sighed, “lead me to this chalet of yours.”

Directing the elf knight to her chalet, they eventually came to a halt outside Buffy's front door where the elf knight reined in his horse and looked around as if searching for something. Finding that the wooden post that held up the small porch outside Buffy's front door was the only thing available, he dismounted and tied the reins of his horse to the post and after lifting Buffy down from his horse, he followed her inside. No sooner had Buffy entered her chalet than all the protective charms and spells that Willow had planted there started to loosen the elf knight's grip on Buffy's mind, but it would take some time for the knight's control of Buffy to be broken as the protective spells had not be designed with trans-dimensional elves in mind. Until then she'd be his willing and devoted slave.

“Lets get you outta that armour,” Buffy said eagerly.

“AH!” cried the elf knight's as he turned to look at Buffy; much to his surprise his victim stood naked in front of him, she was obvious eager to be his sexual plaything.

It took Buffy a good ten minutes to remove the elf knight's armour and all the padding he wore underneath. Eventually she had him down to just a kind of night shirt (or maybe that should be his ‘knight shirt’). Dragging the elf knight into her bedroom, Buffy fell spread eagled onto her bed.

“Take me I'm yours,” she cried as the elf knight climbed onto her bed and settled himself between her legs.

0=0=0=0

**Some time later.**

Exhausted, the elf knight lay back on Buffy's bed. This human woman seemed to be insatiable; depraved acts that would have a normal human woman begging for death, only had this harpy begging for more! For a moment the elf knight wondered if he hadn't accidentally chosen some sort of hell-sex-demon by mistake. Oh well, he sighed, it had all been fun but now it was time for the big finale. Rolling onto his side he awoke his victim by twisting her nipple as hard as he could. Waking up with a scream of pain Buffy turned her head to stare at her tormentor.

“Seven kings daughters, here have I slain,” explained the elf knight.

“What here in my chalet?” Buffy frowned.

“Erm...what?” the elf knight gave Buffy a puzzled look, things weren’t turning out the way that they normally went; ordinarily by this time his victims would be welcoming death and not asking confusing questions, “No,” the elf shook his head, “I mean 'here' in general, not 'here' as in this exact location.”

“Oh that's all right then,” Buffy smiled with relief, “I'd hate it if my house was on top of a load of graves...okay, what were you saying?”

“Erm....right...” the elf knight tried to concentrate, “...where was I?”

“Something about seven king's daughters,” Buffy supplied with a bright, mindless smile. 

“Oh, yes... It's seven kings daughters, here have I slain,” the elf paused for a moment, “and you shall be the eighth of them...”

“What, now?” Buffy said in surprise.

“Erm, yes,” the elf knight couldn't help but think that this was all wrong, this woman should be crying and begging for him to either kill her now or spare her worthless life.

“But we've hardly started!” Buffy exclaimed, “Call this sexual torture,” she gestured to her completely unmarked, body, “this is like first base to me, you know I've had two vampire lovers...although not at the same time. You wouldn't want it to get around that you're not as good as a vampire, would you?”

“W-what!?” the elf knight was now seriously thinking about making a run for his horse and getting out of this demon's lair, part of his mind was wondering which hell-god he'd have to placate for using one of its servants without permission.

“Look,” Buffy sat up a little, “you're obviously tired and not doing your best work. Why don't you rest your head on my boob and have a little nap. Then when you're feeling more rested we can start again!”

If the truth were told, the elf knight admitted to himself, he was feeling a little tired. He'd so exhausted himself enjoying this sex-demon's body that he'd not been able to penetrate her more than half-a-dozen times. Shrugging to himself he thought why not? A short nap would do him a world of good and then when he woke up he'd really be able to show this creature what he was capable of. As he laid his head on Buffy's breast the thought came to him that the demon was obviously taunting him, he'd show her, but only after he'd had a nap.

It'd been the mention of the 'seven kings daughters' that had finally broken the thrall that the elf knight had put on her and Buffy had woken up from her living nightmare. Well, maybe not nightmare, try vivid sexual dream instead. On the second Monday of every month, Buffy spent the afternoon with Miss Tanya Hyde (strictest discipline enforced at all times), who was really an old girlfriend from when she'd taken a trip into a past that was also an alternate reality. What she did with 'Tanya' for two hours involved, canes and paddles and whips and electrodes, plus various sex toys. To be honest the elf knight was a bit of an amateur and hadn't moved with the times.

Whatever, Buffy sighed as she waved a charm over the elf knight's head. It was one that Willow had given her for when she was babysitting Abigail, Willow's daughter. If the child refused to go to sleep Willow had told her to use the charm to send her to sleep (a little more explanation is needed here, as Buffy's singing voice could raise the dead singing lullabies wasn't an option, so magic charms were the next best thing). It seemed that not only did the charm work on babies, but it also appeared to work on elf knights. Once she was satisfied that the elf knight wouldn't wake up, Buffy got off her bed and slipped into her robe. Next she took the elf knight's sword belt and securely bound his hands behind his back. Turning the elf so she'd be the first thing he'd see when he woke up, Buffy shook him violently until his eyes flickered open. 

“Hey! Elf-boy...!” Buffy watched as the elf regained consciousness and struggled against his bonds.

“W-w-what!?” a look of horror crossed the elf's pale face as he realised what had happened. 

“If you've killed seven king's daughters here,” Buffy smiled as she presented a good steel dagger to the elf's naked chest and pricked him until smoke started to rise from the elf's skin and he wailed in pain and despair, “then you better lie here, like a husband to them all...or not, either way. You forgot something totally important.”

“I did?” the elf knight looked at Buffy with panicked eyes.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied with a wicked smile, “I'm not a king's daughter!”

Plunging the dagger into the elf knight's heart, Buffy leaned back to avoid all the smoke and spurting blood. After stabbing the elf a couple more times (actually a lot more than a 'couple' of times) and checking for a pulse, she stood up and looked down at the corpse lying on her bed.

“Darn,” she breathed quietly, she'd really been hoping that he'd dissolve or something, but the elf's body remained stubbornly solid and bloody and smelly (he'd obviously 'gone off' as they euphemistically called it). Not only would she need new bedclothes but she'd also need to buy a new mattress.

Tossing her dagger onto the bed, Buffy walked back into her living room/kitchenette and picked up her phone. Dialling Willow's number she waited for the phone to be answered. It was answered on the fifth or sixth ring.

“Sorry to wake you so early in the morning, Will,” Buffy began, “but its important,” she waited a moment for the witch to gather her thoughts and ask what was so important that it was worth risking the wrath of the most powerful witch in the world to wake her up so early. “Like I say, I really wouldn't have woken you up...whatever...look can you come round and reinforce that wards on my chalet today and...do you know anywhere we can dump a body?”

After a long silence from Willow, Buffy explained about the elf knight. Willow then told her about the flooded stone quarry up on the moors that Kennedy used to dispose of her father's business rivals. Buffy pretended that she'd not heard what Willow had just said. After saying goodnight to her bestest friend in all the world, she decided to make herself a hot drink before catching a few hours sleep on the couch in the living room. It was only as she waited for the kettle to boil that she remembered the elf knight's warhorse was still tied to the post outside her chalet.

“I wonder if there's a stables close by that'll take it...?” pouring boiling water into her teapot, Buffy shrugged, she could worry about overly large horses in the morning.

The End.


End file.
